095 - Sam is the most serious dog. VIDEO.

[bythe_books]

[There's a small wet trail on the screen, as Sam got his beagle nose all over it for some sniffing, then he sits back and lets out some woofs. At least, that's how it sounds to humans. TO HIS FELLOW ANIMALS:]

So, how many coppers didn't turn into a dog? It's kinda... uh... [He makes a face, then scratches at his ear.] interesting, I think, that most of our cats are inmates and most of our dogs are wardens. Dunno what it says about us, if it says anything at all. Could just be the Admiral's sense of humour. Y'know, wanting us to... relive some cartoons, or something.

[Pause. Then, he groans and covers his face with his paws.]

Reckon it's a good thing he didn't give any of us giant mallets or anvils. Acme bombs. [He lowers his paws and shakes his head, beagle ears flapping.]

Prefect, still got your opposable thumbs, yeah? [Sigh.] Right, 'course not, not with our luck. Tell me you're not a-- a fish outta water here. Literally.

Comments

[bob-fraser-snr.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm half wolf... [Does that count? Probably not.]

[bythe_books]

Think that puts us at two and a half wolves, then.

[doctor-scarf.livejournal.com]

I'm a platypus. I doubt there are any Earth cartoons that feature a platypus.

[bythe_books]

None that I can think of. Kinda weird, considering. Well. How weird platypi are.

[diefrenchiesdie.livejournal.com]

I'm a dog and I'm an inmate.

[bythe_books]

I reckon a few of the cats are wardens, too. Still, looking at the numbers so far, there's a trend here.

Video

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Video clicks on when Prefect recognizes that the dog on the screen is in SAMS ROOM, and he manages to piece together that this may well be his warden He looks utterly distraught.]

Sam? Is that you?

[HORRIFIED PAUSE. How will you protect him now, Sam? How will you fulfill your function while you lack even the most basic human skills?]

Do you... do you require a walk? Or... something to chase after?

Video

[bythe_books]

[Sam STARES, then lets out one of his crazy "THIS IS FUCKED" Sam Tyler laughs, although to Prefect it just sounds like woofing.]

You've got to be-- Prefect's still human, and I've gotta-- I've-- Oh God, this can't end well.

[It's not that Sam doesn't have faith in you, Prefect. It's just that. Well. History has shown that you can be a bit............ accident-prone. Sam doesn't know what to do when the tables are turned and he's the more helpless one. At Prefect's questions about walks and chasing, Sam shakes his head, although his tail does begin to thump, because the doggy part of his brain REALLY WANTS A WALK AND FETCH.]

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

[You get the sound of a beak slamming into a button, because Howie has no hands,]

I'm a skua. Specifically... a greater skua. It's, um, a sea bird. Not remotely a dog.

[Pause] Oh, this is Howie, by the way.

[bythe_books]

Looks like you broke the mould, then, Howie.

[Video]

[cisskabob]

[Cissie's just... completely charmed by how adorable you are, Serious Beagle. ...And then she sees Prefect's reaction and just--facepalms forever.]

Sam? Um. ...If that's you, bark twice? This is so insane.

[Video]

[bythe_books]

[BARKING TWICE.]

[toldastory]

Oh Sam.

[bythe_books]

Martha? That you?

[Video]

[chicagoshope.livejournal.com]

You know, if you need some help policing I wouldn't mind stretching my legs.

[Video]

[bythe_books]

I'd definitely, definitely welcome the help. We could set up a pack-- er. Team. Team of wardens to patrol.

aaaaaand sexby can only talk to the canines. and his wife. and judas.

[accountsettled.livejournal.com]

Not a dog, as such. A little more... vicious than that, sir.

FUN TIMES

[bythe_books]

Well, canine. Still sorta... similar.

[Video]

[i-cantakeit.livejournal.com]

[Yes, you do get video of her rolling around on her back for a minute. Then she flips up the right way and talks excitedly:] Dog here. I think I'm a labrador. Am I a labrador? It's Emily, by the way. Maybe we're all dogs because- I don't know, dogs have a strong sense of duty or keen senses or good tracking skills or...

[Pause, ears pricked up.]

Or... [Oh man, was that a cat she just heard outside? It sounded like a cat.]

Be right back!

[Video]

[bythe_books]

[Sam is thinking: IS THIS TO BE MY FATE?]

Lab. Definitely a lab. Are you-- hey, wait, hang on!

[Video] By now Morgan has a monkey to push buttons for her.

[gimmethemap]

Awwwwwww.

[Video]

[bythe_books]

[Head tilt]

Aww?

[VIDEO]

[thatlibbychick.livejournal.com]

[Libby can't help being over-excited about everything. For some reason, she makes a very enthusiastic, happy dog. Consequently, it sounds like she's yelling everything in joy, regardless of what she's actually saying.]

SAM? SAM! I CAN'T USE TEXT! I DON'T HAVE THUMBS!

[She rolls onto her back and eyes the screen as if that will get someone to rub her tummy.]

[VIDEO]

[bythe_books]

Er-- uh-- yeah, that seems to be a... recurring theme here.

[whateverthemess.livejournal.com]

...I really wish I could take you seriously right now.

[bythe_books]

Oi, beagles are a perfectly, er. Respectable breed.

Video

[una_persson]

[Una holds up one of her now-well-worn LOLOWL signs.]

AM UNA.

[Followed by:]

WHO R U? CANT UNDERSTAND.

[Because unfortunately she can really only understand other birds, humans, and animals that can speak like humans.]

Video

[bythe_books]

[Sam lets out a woof, then messes around his desk for a bit to drag out some paper and a pencil. It takes a while to attempt to scrawl a message using his mouth, and what comes out is a barely legible sign that he holds up.]

DC TY SAM

Private // Video

[lostundercover]

[Costigan speaks, understandable to other animals.]

I think I'm a weasel. I was a cop, I mean, and I'm a fucking 'polecat'.

Private // Video

[bythe_books]

[He tilts his head, staring.]

You could be-- You're kind of like... a tiny dog.